sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
