yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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