Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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