If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Randomize
