I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
