I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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