May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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