I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
