they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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