I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
