Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
