my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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