it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
