i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
