my mouth tastes like poor choices
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
