is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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