I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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