I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hippo gnu deer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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