Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize