im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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