White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
