She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
