there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
