So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
