Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
