Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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