there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This is my gift to your gina
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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