You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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