if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
