Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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