We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
