dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
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We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went