i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?