dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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