i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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