Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
