I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
