so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
