Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
