remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
