Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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