Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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