I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
