i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
