i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
