Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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