Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
