I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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