i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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