that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
