six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my liver is dry heaving
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
