He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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