Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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