Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
