If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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