If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
