I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
