A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
