Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
