Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
