i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
