It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
