your room smells of hookers.
And success
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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