someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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