Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
