If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
