If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
