Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
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Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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