Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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