Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
