Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
