Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
