thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
