I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
