What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
