Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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