Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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