I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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