At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
