girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
